i just want to take a break from all these ties and bondages. release me. i am released. i only crave to eat my mom's green beans dish in a saturday afternoon. without the pouring rain.
extracts from SPUTNIK SWEETHEART of murakami haruki
- i must be in love with this woman.she realized with a start. no mistake about it. ice is cold. roses are red. i am in love.
-the currents too overpowering. danger may be lurking there.but theres no turning back.i can only go with the flow.
-i always judege people by their faces. she said. meaning that i like your face. the way you look.
-sumire fell in love. as if she went crossing the field when bang! a bolt of lighting zapped her. rihgt in the hand. something like an artistic revolution. which is why. at that point. it doesnt matter to sumire that the person she fell in love with happened to be a woman.
-you can feel the soft warmth of the sun on your own.
-your writing has the living breathing force.
-sometimes you are the sweetest thing. like a christmas summer holidays and a brand new puppy all rolled into one.
-when i am with her, that bone in my ear starts ringing. like a delicate seashell wind chimes.
my hair muse: jean seberg. i love you i love you not. i love you.
i fight. at the flight. my fright to fly. the bone chills. head explodes:
(dim light. computer is on. kept between two aliens. staring at me as if i am another alien. desirable music on the ear plugs:
George harrison-my sweet lord
Frank Sinatra-come dance with me)
"She asked. Lesbianism can be a subversive act towards the social domination of heterosexuality. Why not. Yes. Lets go les. Don't swirl yourself into the trend nor tradition. Choose a life. Choose liberation. Choose your own identity. You(I) were not born to have the rights to choose my sexual organs. But you(I) have the rights to choose our(my) sex partner. Lets go Lala."
"He said he is a lesbian in heart. So I replied do you not fuck with the dick. Maybe I have asked the wrong question and questions never lead to what I tried to question. Never. Distance between body and mind. Same as sexuality. Sexuality should not be defined according to biological sex but emotion gender. That is I think I am in love with a woman with a gay man heart. Yes master, you are goddamn right. You are a lesbian in heart. Yes, I am a gay man in heart."
"Tags do not help to tackle problems. Problems indeed always pop up due to tags. Lets leave all tags behind. I am me I am not only me I am my mother’s daughter I am not a travel writer I am just writing about travel I am not just what you see I am not just what you read I am just there I am. Amen."
People say she's bad But they Don't see The way she is with me P is for the painful way she makes me feel some day U is for Utopia, the other times with her N is for the new wave dreams she had back in her teens K is for the kid in her, my PUNK girl She is honest and kind but in a way that people see As telling lies and being mean She has thousands of dreams but what they are I'll never know I hope I figure in them though I don't care if they can't see Just how great that girl can be But I wish, she'd find a way To act well, for just one day I don't mind if they can't see Just how much she means to me I still know what I will say If that girl comes my way She is hardened to hurt her softness hidden from the world But almost ready to unfurl She tries so hard to change but something always happens to Persuade her its to hard to do
afterwords: this song i listened to 10 years ago. back to my teens. i want to dedicate this song to my P.U.N.K girls.
Current Music:heavenly
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striking. fact. ten years. metamorphosis. third sex. dilemma. distortion of the grey area, it is not the mirror. it was. it is not. ever and ever. stiffiness your toughness. the bones. dont bear down on me. dont. i just want to make love. the pull. no binarism. confused. dazed. not a butterfly. between your legs. pleasure. non. amour. oui. distant fantasy. split between two. can i just make love. not sex. but she says she prefers both.
What am I going to do I don't want to live without love But I don't want to love Nobody but you Someone who doesn't want Me any more, me any more Someone who no longer wants me What am I going to do? Anyone else I'd always be thinking How they're not you I'd always be thinking How they're not you I just wish you Would give me the chance to Never, never hurt you again Why must it be that I was too late in seeing that In thinking my love gone I couldn't've been more wrong Anyone else I'd always be thinking How they're not you I'd always be thinking How they're not you What am I going to do? I don't want to be Alone in the world But want you only But only want you
i always want to construct a pure story about my sis miss c. for her the rare genuineness around the universe. without sis miss c maybe i had already strangled myself last nite when torments marching on my way. without sis c i might never be able to know the fact that i live a life that has ever been youthful and sexy. i really do not know how to put my thoughts about miss c in concrete words. my respect and love for her are more than words. lets write and read this neat entry just for the sake of this special photoshooting between two of us. merci beau coup.
she dances.tiptoeing in such slowness.pace. should i say misplaced.every time i watch her dance.its also the time she watches me out of space.like a maddening cloud. stuck in the core of my heart. screams the ceiling it sibblings fall. stretch doesnt help. she is stiff as if a sad child. she is incapble as a handicapped cat. i just watch her. desperation. mumbles mimic a battle.she writes. shutting her cell up. i overhear the shutter closing. the butterfly adornment clipped on her ear lobe. glittering glittering inbetween every wink of me.then how i wish i can branch myself all over her. but the bridge has fallen. i wish it is gonna tear the obscurity between us.
i will read you a story colleen hums in lowness the quiet noise among the fireflies a story about lost and found the thunder swims around your ears i will read you a story about passion and failure the beginning of nothingness leads to the end of beginning the end of nothingness leads to the triump of beginning flavors of striking bitterness embrace the flesh of two of us soft as snow falling free us from failing free us from fainting flee me from feighing tonight let me read you a story a story
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hkoutsider's journal
frustrated
crushed